Cognitive Behaviour Therapy in Action: The Coping Triangle
“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters”
A tool for responding in a helpful way to life’s challenges
As a therapist, I support many clients to appreciate how their thoughts, feelings and behaviours are interconnected. Why? Because when you understand the interplay between them, it’s easier to identify how to get back in the driver’s seat of your mind - where you are in control, rather than your mind’s whims and body’s automatic responses running the show.
I love Dr Claire Hayes work in this area (and highly recommend reading her books* if this theory and its application appeals to you). Dr Hayes developed The Coping Triangle as a way of explaining and working with CBT. I find it super useful so sharing it here for you.
In this blog, I share how this technique can be a reliable tool for proactively managing life’s challenges.
Introducing The Coping Triangle
Its simple framework helps in understanding and then managing your reactions, allowing you to feel more in control.
Visualise The Coping Triangle as an inverted triangle (see image), with Feelings top left corner, Thoughts top right corner, and Behaviours/Actions at the apex.
How to use the Coping Triangle
You can use the Coping Triangle when something happens; let’s call this ‘the situation’. The situation marks the beginning of the process.
So something happens; maybe someone says or does something, or there is a thought that pops into your mind.
This stimulus ‘or The situation’ is what leads you to move through the coping triangle following 3 steps.
Step One: Understanding what’s happening inside you
So, when this situation happens pause to reflect on what you are:
Thinking
Feeling, and
Doing in response to this situation/stimulus.
This step is your opportunity to unravel the threads of your initial reaction and identify the key information for the next steps.
Note - if this is challenging for you, you are not alone. This is why therapists exist - to help you determine what is happening in your inner world and making sense of it, and helping with you determine what would be a skilful response.
Step Two: Asking Yourself 4 Key Questions
In this step, you delve a little deeper into the thoughts, feelings, and actions you identified in Step 1.
The four questions to ask yourself are:
1. Do my feelings make sense?
Again, this may require further support in exploring the context of what is going on for you and how it’s impacting how you feel.
2. Are my thoughts helpful or unhelpful?
This question is usually a little easier to answer on your own.
3. What do I believe?
Questions 3 may also require further support in exploring the context of what is going on and impacting how you feel. This can also help in becoming aware that even if you believe something, it doesn’t mean it is true.See ‘a note on beliefs’ below for more information. See further below for a side note on beliefs - The Downward Arrow Technique.
4. Are my actions helpful or unhelpful?
These questions are an invitation to stay conscious of what's happening in your inner world.
“It’s not things that upset us but our judgments about things”
Step Three: Forming your ‘Coping Sentence’
The first two steps inform your ‘ABC Coping Sentence’. The coping sentence is a method of transforming what you’re thinking and feeling into a chosen response/behaviour. You can read more about the Coping sentence here.
In summary, the coping sentence comprises three parts:
A: Acknowledge – I am feeling…..
B: Because – because I am thinking…..
C: Choice – but I choose to (take a helpful action or think a helpful thought)
Dr Claire Hayes explains the ABC Coping Sentence here.
The Coping Triangle in Action: A Practical Guide
Below is a scenario to see the Coping Triangle in action, with a visual representation below.
Check In: What am I thinking, feeling, and doing in response to the situation?
Ask the Four Key Questions: Do my feelings make sense? Are my thoughts helpful or unhelpful? What do I believe? Are my actions helpful or unhelpful?
Form Your Coping Sentence:
Formulate a Coping Sentence based on these insights.
For example:
"I am feeling… because I am thinking… but I choose to (take a helpful action or think a helpful thought)."
Refer to this blog for numerous (about 20) examples of the ABC Coping Sentence.
The coping triangle is one way to understand your response to a situation and to put you back in charge of how you choose to respond to it.
As a counsellor and therapist, I've found this tool to be invaluable for many clients. It helps them deepen their self-awareness by understanding their inner workings and equips them with practical skills to apply in their daily lives - especially in challenging situations.
A side note on beliefs: The Downward Arrow Technique
It can be tricky to work out beliefs (especially core beliefs) on your own. This is where a therapist can really help you explore. The downward arrow is one technique therapists may use for this.
The Downward Arrow technique is attributed to Dr David Burns and one of the CBT founders, Dr Aaron Beck. It involves asking yourself a series of questions to find the core beliefs beneath your thoughts.
These core beliefs are formed from early childhood experiences and influence how we see the world, along with shaping our responses.
An example:
Your thought might be: ‘I can’t do this’.
With the downward arrow technique you would ask yourself:
‘If I can’t do this, what does that mean about me?’
You may respond: ‘it means I’m not capable’
The next self-enquiry is:
‘What is so bad about not being capable?’
You may respond: ‘I’ve let ‘insert person's name’ down’
Next enquiry:
‘What’s so bad about letting ‘X’ down?’
You may respond: ‘they won’t love me’ or ‘they won’t think I’m worthy/good enough’…
Engaging in this exercise of exploring core beliefs allows you to gain a deeper understanding of why you react the way you do in various life situations. Read more about the downward arrow technique in CBT psychology here.
Once you have this awareness, it becomes easier to appreciate why you respond in the way you do.
For further information,
*Dr Claire Hayes’ Books can be found here.
If you’d like to work with a counsellor in 2024, please do feel free to reach out and connect with me. We can work together on an individualised approach to your needs, with strategies that suit your goals and your lifestyle.
Book a complimentary 10-minute consultation to find out more.