Burnout Recovery for High Achievers: How to Care without Carrying
Burnout is something that creeps in quietly. Often, it happens to those of us who care, a lot. You care about your work, your clients, your family, or the outcomes you’re striving toward. It is great to care, the challenge comes when you also carry. My clients often work with me to support them to care without carrying. They have an insight that they are not only caring about all the things, but also carrying the mental, psychological, or emotional load of it all. And this is often what leads to overwhelm, and feeling stuck in the situation. What I notice in burnt out clients is that this caring, and carrying, is a significant contributing factor the the state they find themselves in. They come and see me when this load becomes too heavy to ignore.
When Caring Becomes Carrying
I get it; you want to do good work and you pride yourself on supporting the people around you. What happens though, is you’re taking on more than is in your control, more than you are responsible for, and often times more than is possible, with the resources you have. You keep going, even when the situation is beyond your capacity or influence.
It isn’t surprising that if you are a people-pleasers or a perfectionists you are particularly prone to burnout. The boundary between what is yours and what belongs to others can be blurred, for a variety of reasons, often stemming from early life experiences. Expectations you developed, of yourself, become more and more unrealistic, yet the fear of letting someone down, or being thought of as not good enough, keeps you pushing forward.
You may believe:
‘If I don’t take this on, no one will.’
‘It’s my responsibility to fix this.’
‘If I just try harder, I can change the outcome… it’s up to me.’
These beliefs create a subtle illusion of control. You may find yourself working tirelessly toward outcomes that (often outside your awareness) are unrealistic or even impossible to achieve. This could look like changing deep family dynamics, fixing systemic organisational problems, or carrying the emotional weight for everyone else.
The more you carry things you don’t have control over, the more your energy is unnecessarily consumed, the heavier it feels, and the more exhausted you become. And when you carry it alone, with little support or recognition, burnout often follows.
A common resonance I hear from my counselling and coaching clients when I ask them if they would like to ‘care without carrying’ is a resounding ‘Yes’. I see a visceral appreciation in them, for how it has been, and a wish for it to be different. There’s a moment of insight; they suddenly see how much they’ve been carrying without realising it, and a new hope emerges, that things can be different.
We then start to work on releasing the weight that has become attached to caring.
Why You Might Be More Prone to Burnout
Burnout isn’t just about workload; it’s also about temperament and the shaping of early life experiences.
If you have perfectionist or people-pleasing tendencies, you may be more prone to burnout (and perhaps you already know this).
If you grew up believing you needed to ‘earn’ love and praise, or avoid letting others down, those patterns can show up in your work or caring role.
If you are a high achiever, you may tie your self-worth to outcomes, making it hard to set limits. Once you achieve something you are straight onto the next thing, following a fleeting moment of achievement (and a dopamine hit), not having learned or experienced what it is like to acknowledge, celebrate, and savour your achievement and efforts. Not having ever paused before moving on to the next thing.
Add in external pressures like a demanding workplace, unclear expectations, or the isolation of working from home, and it’s easy to see how the burnout cycle forms.
The Factors That Fuel Burnout
Burnout tends to arise from a mix of personal traits and systemic stressors:
Workplace contributors: excessive workload, lack of control, poor communication, or feeling under-valued.
Caring contributors: the invisible load of responsibility, emotional labour (managing your own emotions, and the emotions of others), and the sense that someone else’s wellbeing depends entirely on you.
Isolation: working remotely or being the ‘strong one’ at home can leave you disconnected from community, purpose, and support.
Protective Factors: What Helps
There are practices and supports that buffer against burnout:
Regular connection: monthly check-ins with a team leader, or a manager who makes time for you is a good start.
Being seen: feeling that your work matters, and that you matter is critical.
Community: remembering you’re part of something bigger, not working in a silo.
Personal grounding or perspective taking: setting boundaries/limits, practicing mindfulness/awareness of what is happening, and regularly reminding yourself what is, and what isn’t yours to carry.
A Client Story
One client I worked with shared how exhausted she felt, carrying both her project’s performance and her company’s restructuring on her shoulders. She believed it was all on her to ‘work it out and make things right.’
Through our sessions, she began experimenting with letting go of what she couldn’t control. She would ask herself each day, ‘What is truly within my influence, and control, today?’ She discovered that when she got clear on this she stopped carrying what wasn’t hers (things not in her control). She was surprised to see that her workload and outcomes didn’t change. Her clients were still happy. Her performance was still strong. The only change was her inner experience of struggle with work.
As she changed her mindset, her experience of work was no longer overwhelming or unmanageable. She felt lighter, more focused, and more present, in her relationships and in her out-of-work activities. She had energy to get back into her old hobbies again, and could take the time to care of herself, and reconnect socially. She returned to the gym, began meal prepping, having the energy to catch up with friends, and she got back into rock climbing.
Practical Self-Check: Am I Carrying More Than Is Mine?
Here’s a simple reflection you can try when you feel overwhelmed by the weight of what you’re working on, or caring for:
Pause and Breathe – give yourself a moment of space.
Ask Yourself – ‘Is this mine to carry?’
If yes: ‘What support or resources do I need to carry it sustainably?’ This may include reaching out to a counsellor or coach.
If no: ‘Can I put it down, or share the load?’
If you’re not sure, or it feels difficult to know, this is where counselling, or therapeutic coaching can help. This is the work I do with people.
Reframe – ‘I can care without carrying the responsibility of this whole situation and outcome.’
Breaking the Cycle, and Staying Out of Burnout
Many clients tell me that once they recover from burnout, they’re surprised to see that nothing changed in their actual performance or results. What changed was their relationship to the work and a reduction in their stress levels and experience of overwhelm. Added benefits were:
They no longer tied their self-worth to outcomes.
They learned to test letting go and noticed the outcome didn’t fall apart.
They built practices of reminding themselves, again and again, not to carry what isn’t theirs.
They developed circuit breakers that worked for them, from our sessions together. For example: remembering the Hand Model of the Brain visual, Dropping Anchor, using the STOP technique, or trying the 3-3-3 tool.
Work-life balance is now a real possibility, and work can become more enjoyable. Outside of work time is also significantly improved when energy and motivation return.
Burnout Recovery
It’s important to know it isn’t unusual for burnout to resurface. This doesn’t mean you’ve failed or gone backwards, it simply means life has become demanding again, or old patterns are creeping in.
The key is awareness and early intervention. Some early warning signs include:
Constant exhaustion despite rest
Increased irritability or feeling ‘snappy’
Loss of motivation or enjoyment in activities; perhaps you stop going out or being social
Physical tension, headaches, or difficulty sleeping
Feeling isolated, even when surrounded by people
Noticing these signals early gives you the chance to reset. Seek support sooner rather than later; have a conversation with your manager, or a check-in with a counsellor or coach, or remember to reconnect with the practices that have helped you before.
Summing up
Burnout isn’t a personal weakness, it’s what happens when caring is coupled with carrying, when you hold too much on your own without the agency, control, or support to sustain it.
You can care deeply without carrying the full weight of what’s in front of you. And when burnout signs emerge, remember: you’re not alone, and it’s never too soon to ask for help. If you know you’re prone to burnout, I encourage you to be proactive in seeking support from a counsellor or coach, rather than waiting until you’re further down the path. Think of it as a ‘refresher’ session, a ‘check-in or check-up’ or an ‘accountability’ appointment, to stay on track.
When you get clear on what isn’t yours to hold, space opens up for a different inner experience; one that feels calm, capable, energised, and balanced, rather than stressed, doubting, exhausted, and disengaged.
If you recognise yourself in this writing, please know you don’t have to carry it alone. Counselling and therapeutic coaching can help you reconnect with your boundaries, values, and energy so you can begin to flourish again.
And if you know you’re prone to burnout, I encourage you to be proactive in seeking support. Whether through burnout counselling, coaching, or a refresh session focused on stemming and reversing burnout.
More resources are on the blog, and on this page are some videos and audio to support you. And if you’d like to work with me, you can get in touch via email here.