The Choice Point is one of my favourite tools from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), both personally, and professionally as a counsellor. I’m sharing it here so you can give it a try when your thoughts and emotions start running the show.

Created by Russ Harris, the Choice Pont helps you build your ‘conscious choice-making muscle’ (my term!) for when you’re feeling stuck – hooked by stress, self-doubt, overwhelm, or exhaustion.

The Choice Point visual, and concept, helps you recognise situations where you can either make a choice to

🤩 Move towards what truly matters to you, or

🧐 Move away from this, due to getting caught up in (hooked) unhelpful thought patterns that are informing your behaviour

Away Moves - What Hooks You (and How it Pulls you Away)

‘Away Moves’ are things you do to avoid discomfort; they may look like:

😬 procrastinating on something important

🙃 overcommitting to please others at the expense of your own wellbeing.

🥺 avoiding difficult conversations

🤨 avoiding uncomfortable situations

Thoughts that precede these Away Moves could sound like:

😔 ‘I’m not good enough; I’m not clever enough to do this’

😕 ‘If I say no, they’ll think I’m selfish or that I let them down’

😔 ‘I don’t have time’

😞 ‘It won’t make a difference anyway’

Away Moves can bring short-term relief, however may also steer you away from the life you want to live. Away moves aren't a problem in themselves—sometimes, they’re very normal as we are human beings with choice and our default mode is avoiding suffering, in favour of comfort. It is when Away Moves become your default behaviour to the detriment of your wellbeing or relationships that they can become a problem for you, and you may want to change this.

Unhooking with the Choice Point

In ACT the goal isn’t to eliminate difficult thoughts, it is to unhook from them, being less controlled by them, or bossed around by them. This is where the ACT concept of defusion comes in.

Some ways we ‘defuse from thoughts’ in ACT is by using mindful statements such as:

˃ I’m noticing I’m having the thought that…. I’m procrastinating from this piece of work’

˃ ‘I’m feeling stressed about this request from my friend, and noticing the sensation of… my shoulders lifting and my breath constricting’

˃ This thought is pulling me towards (avoiding this hard conversation)… is this aligned with who I want to be and how I want to conduct myself, or the longer term benefit of resolving the situation’.

This process of noticing, and enquiring in this way, creates some space between your thoughts, feelings, and an opportunity for your action to be consciously informed.

From here, you can intentionally choose your ‘Toward Move’—taking an action that reflects your values and brings you a sense of meaning and fulfilment.

Examples of Toward Moves

Some examples of Toward Moves are:

˃ Finishing a task before giving in to distraction

˃ Taking a mindful walk instead of snacking to avoid the difficult thing

˃ Reaching out for help rather than withdrawing

˃ Speaking up despite nerves

˃ Saying no to something that will drain you

˃ Practicing a tough conversation with support

Some Simple Tools to Get Unhooked

If you notice you're caught in a spiral of unhelpful thoughts, try one of these ‘unhooking strategies’:

👏 Notice and Name – ‘I’m having the thought that…’, to create distance and remind you that you are not your thoughts.

🌿 3-3-3 Grounding – Name 3 things you see, and hear, and move 3 body parts, anchoring you back in the present moment.

🌬 Breathe – Take 3 slow, deep breaths, with longer exhales, to pause, and respond rather than react to the situation at hand, or the thought hooking you.

📝 Values Check-In – What would I do if I wasn’t caught up in this thought?’

🧠 Name it to Tame it – Anticipate hooks ahead of time and plan a response.

When you pause at the Choice Point, you give yourself the opportunity to act intentionally – not perfectly, but with purpose.

When Life Gets Harder, Choices Feel Harder

It’s important to know that when things are going well, it’s easier to make Toward Moves, acting in the way you wish to. When life throws you challenges, as it tends to —stress, exhaustion, unexpected obstacles—it can feel much much harder to make those Toward Moves. This can be when the Choice Point is really valuable to draw on. Remembering even in the tough times, you still have choices; knowing this can help you access the Toward Move possibilities.

The next time you notice yourself feeling caught up, take a moment to pause and recognise where you are on the Choice Point.

Learning to unhook from unhelpful thoughts takes skilful practice, and time – like building a muscle. You need to keep training, and the more you do it, the more your making a ‘conscious choice-making muscle’ develops, and the more psychologically flexibility you will become.

You will be less thrown around by your mind’s whims and emotional reactions to situations, and more able to access choice in how you behave, or respond, to the thoughts and emotions that arise in your life.

Over time, you can expect to build the ability to navigate challenges with greater clarity, ease, and connection with your values, using tools like the Choice Point to help you.

If this resonates with you and you’d like support in making more values-aligned choices in your life, I’m here to help. Please feel free to reach out, for a 10 minute chat, to explore how we can work together.

Reach out to Nicky